OK, move firescreen, wad up newspaper, put little twigs on, then small branches; light the paper. Fire is starting to blaze; put bigger logs on. Aaaah! Cozy fire, blessed heat.
Wait...weird smell. Hmmm. Oh well, I'll get ready for bed while the fire heats up the living room, then I can watch my shows and eat popcorn. Funny hiss...run back in the living room to see if embers have popped out onto the floor; inspect fire. All is well. Now go get ready for bed.
Come back to enjoy fire. Stand in front of the fire. Soak up the heat. Gaze into the flames. **gasp** There is a fire extinguisher IN the fireplace. Right there at the front corner where I stowed it after cleaning up the hearth, after the last fire last spring. Grab fire extinguisher. Ouch, too hot! Get Tom's heavy glove, thankfully right next to the fireplace, grab extinguisher, rush it outside before it explodes.
The label reads, "Do not incinerate. Contents under pressure."
Really, Tom should not trust me with the fireplace. I'm a danger to myself and others.